Post #500

Hello, whoever you are!

My name is Andrew. I’m 20 years old, Taiwanese-American, a student at Swarthmore College planning to graduate in 2012. I study linguistics, foreign languages, and religion, and have a penchant for burdening myself academically beyond what is considered physically or mentally healthy.

I enjoy photography, singing and making music, and discovering new ideas. I tend to stick to the status quo, but get random bursts of spontaneity from time to time, which usually result in me doing something silly, but not stupid. I exercise restraint.

This semester, I am studying abroad in Grenoble, France, where I thought I would be free to branch out and explore new horizons, both here in this country and within myself. But that hasn’t happened, because I’ve been too reserved to overstep my own boundaries.

The things I really want to do, to be, to have, I don’t dare tell anyone because they would look at me incredulously and say, “Wait, but that isn’t like you.” I fit very comfortably into the box that other people have helped me construct around myself.

I have the habit of putting myself down, though I wouldn’t say that I have low self-esteem. I practice humility to the point that sometimes, it’s completely plastic. I am a Christian, and proud of it. I’m gay, and not ashamed of it. I am a Gleek, and you’d better believe it. But I am nowhere near as comfortable with myself as some people think I am.

I’m satisfied with my life, but in a way that has me continually looking forward to whatever’s coming next. I’m perambulating slowly down the length of a hall that curves slightly to the left; though I’m at ease with my pace, I can’t see what’s just beyond the bend, and curiosity propels me forward. Perhaps this means that I’m actually dissatisfied.

Creative writing is a hobby of mine that I used to dream about turning into a career, but every time I try to write seriously, I get frustrated or bored and stop. When I was maybe nine, I was awarded a prize for being “Most Tenacious” in my community league soccer team, but today that so-called tenacity does not manifest itself often, and then only in tasks that won’t matter to anyone in the long run. I rely on fleeting wisps of imagination like spiders’ silk, but any critic with a stick could tear my art to shreds.

I am writing this because I feel like, after three years and 500 posts on this tumblr, I’ve ended up wasting an appalling number of hours of my life that could have been better spent on pretty much anything else. I unabashedly describe myself as a pathological blogger, but I’m simply not feeling it anymore for this platform and this “community.” So, I’ve decided to post a short summary of who I am at right now, and then I will take off, maybe for good, maybe not. I felt like 500 was a nice, round number to end it on.

This summer, I will do research and spend quality time with friends and family. And every time I get the urge to surf on tumblr or Facebook (which I will disable as soon as the semester ends), I am going go outside and throw a Frisbee around, or read a good book instead.

See ya!